Back Again..........

Juz realised i haf not being blogging for quite sometime :) Hmm was quite busy wit my own comapny work and sch subj registration...Fortunately, all were smoothly completed and i am waitin to end my IA soon lo...counting down to 3 MORE days! Hurray! At least i still haf a month to relax and play b4 my sch starts in the 3rd week of July...Went to cut my hair last saturday too..the hairdresser gif mi a new look hee..i quite like it cos is short n cooling...May juz leave the hair to grow till Sept then go back to the salon to dye my hair to prepare for my sis weding day hee...got to save up abit of money to make a new specs too...everything is abt money..so sianz...y cant everything be FOC??Then i dun need to headache...Okie time to start work if not later cant finish hee...

Are We Meant To Be????

Hey Sansan thks for yur concern...juz to let u know i am fine...hmm mayb for the time being i am still struggling to make a choice of whether to cont tis relationship or to break up...I am like u so soft-hearted when it comes to relationships...mayb wat u say is true i really luv her alot alot...On the other hand givin up tis relationship might juz be a relief for mi too cos i am drained of mental energy n everything seemd so hard to cont...tis few days have been tinking if i could do without her..it seems i am able to do it but will i still miss her??Most probably will bah....Becos of these it affects my work performance during my attachment...my colleagues have been askin mi y i am so lethargic this few days n i look so tired...Haiz the worse is yet to come...i did a stupid thing...i actually deleted a file while transfering some documents to my colleague...i tot everything was transfered n i deleted the file when actually there is still aonther document in it...This means I gota REDO everything again! wah kaoz!! so sucky rite...eveything doesn't seem to be smooth for mi...even when i wake up tis morning to shave , i even cut my skin...lucky only small cut if not jialat...how unlucky can i get....maybe there r more to come later who knows...now i am feelin real real tired cos din sleep last nite...drinkin coffee to keep myself awake now...

Shld i juz trust her one more time n start afresh our relationship???
Am i able to convince myself to accept what she say??
so many qns but no ans....

To Be Or Not To Be....

Over the past few days i have been tinking abt my relationship with her...the truth hurts mi alot alot alot n my heart is totally dead...i was tinking to have a talk wit her after her exams but yest over some minor stuffs we quarrelled again n i told her i wanna break up with her...i know it was not on impulse n i was perfectly clear wat i was doing...this few days i was totally drained out tinking of the happy moments that both of us shared, how much i loved her but still i have to make a decision fast cos draggin on will only hurt both of us more...it will hurt mi the most but i tried to minimise the hurt i caused her..To break up is not due to her fault but the both of us...all along i tot we were compatible tryin to compromise her watever she wans, showering her with gifts n buyin the food she liked...BUT the most impt element in a realtionship is communication...this problem has been resurfaced over n over again...i have tried my best but i know it is not gng to work out...To mi i dun share the "closeness" or i shld say "the feel" when i am with her...let alone feel her heart...though we have been together for ard 2 yrs, the feeling was not there already...i even told her she was seeing someone else outside n even told her i saw the msg on her phone...Wat saddens mi was tat she actually deny she was seein someone else...but i expected tat ans frm her so it does not surprise mi at all when i heard her reply...she kept assuring mi she wasn't seein anyone but in my heart i know tat wasn't the truth...No matter how assure mi i told her i cannot convince myself...when i cant convince myself how am i gng to face her??She say no matter wat she will not break up wit mi and will try her best to salvage the relationship...If this goes on i will get a mental breakdown.....sooner.....this few weeks my work performance was like shit...makin so many mistakes n my colleagues were askin y i was like tat....i din haf the mood to work..."Wo Hao Fan!!!!!!!!" Life juz suz......

Long long break.....

After a long weekends, is finally back to work....This week seems short cos there r only 4 working days and nowi am bloggin away so u can guess how free i am :) Finally no work for mi for the time being lo...i can spend my time searchin applications for my phone as well as read up some stuffs on my final year project...time really flies n soon my attachment period will be ending and i am lookin fwd to studyin...missed the babes in sch man haa...

Hmm let mi recap what i have done during the weekends....sat was quite a shack day for mi cos morning went down NTU wit my friend to meet our FYP (Fianl Yr Project) supervisor. He had some stuffs to brief us wat to read up for our project and start makin preparations b4 the sch starts nxt july...there will be lots of readings to do man..so sianz sianz sianz.....but no choice cos this project gonna affect us greatly which honours i will be getting..tinkin of tis n my gf nxt sem 6 essays....i am gonna faint man...so stressed....dunno to cont helpin her or wat....if dun help she will be unhappy but if i help it will bound to be affectin my studies.... i am in a dilemma...nvm kick tis aside for the time being...after meetin my prof i went to play squash with my frien then went down to collect video tape frm another frien at sembawang...now u know y i was so tired tat day...but theres more to come...after reachin hme my ger msg mi askin mi to have dinner with her...she sounded quite sianz so in the end i agreed to meet her to try cheer her up...we went to eat dim sum at kovan there...not much ppl eatin there when we reached cos is raining...then we went kovan cold storage bought the ingredients for makin tiramisus since i am gng over the nxt day to learn frm her. hmm afterall makin tiramisus is not tat difficult but requires yur skills n practice...of course the ingredients are ex man...one container of cheese cost mi 13+ liao plus other ingredients total to near 30....this is a real expensive lesson for mi but guess is worth it cos she din know i will be makin a tiramisus bday cake for her on her bday in July...hopefully tat would be a good surprise to her :)

At times i am wonderimg if all the efforts i put in is worth or not...will she appreciate wat i have done for her?? Will she be touched?? will she take mi for granted?? All these remains ???? to mi....Should i follow my heart or shld i follow my head wat's it tellin mi to do??? i maybe a good bf but to her i still lacks alot more...we have communication prob most of the times n we tink differently...Once she told mi i am not matured enough and she says she was matured in her tinking than mi...In my mind i was contemplating "If u r matured enough, y would u fall in luv wit a married man who had a son already?" Given tis reason will be enough for mi to break up wit u but i din cos i still believe one day i can win yur heart over him but as time passes i am gettin more n more tired...almost throwin in the white towel but my heart tells mi :" u got to preserve on..u have come tis far n there's is no turning back for u cos u luv her too much" i dun cry but my heart crys...Guess is fate tat god brings mi n her together n make mi go thr all tis undulating n rocky journey...testin my perservance n endurance...how long can i hold out i dun know...i will juz keep gng till one day when my heart hardens...This will mean i have totally given up all the hopes on her...she is someone who's tots and feelings is so hard to fathom n only "He" can pacify her when she is down n not MI...eveytime when his msg came she will smile while replyin him back...guess i am juz a failure afterall...being only a substitute n calls on mi when i am needed....tats y being single is still the best!

Back Again.....

After missing for a few days, i am back to blogging again...it seems to me i have never-endin stuffs to do though i finished my attachment report...i was wondering y my life is forever so busy wit stuffs and i hardly can take a break or short rest...no matter how hard i tried to finish my work there is always more n more to come...But come to tink of it....having a gf really take up alot of my time....no more freedom of my own n i cant do things as i wish already...all the attention ws focused on HER n nobody else...even my friens said i have become so distant frm them which also admit was the truth....I dunno y i became like tat...maybe i luv her too much till i can sacrifice anything juz for her...But will she appreciate all those efforts tat i have put in?? Do i have a place in her heart?? I know she dun luv mi as much as i do and i can feel it in my heart...most of the time when we were out together hmm juz couldn't feel the closeness between us though we haf been together for 1 year and 9 mths...reachin my 2 year anniversary soon wor...2 years isn't a short period nor a long one..mayb juz enough for mi to know her better n find out our preferences...In her heart i am not the first ONE whom she will tink of...dun ask mi y....cos i dun wish to ans this qn...i juz wanna keep it in my deepest deepest bottoom of my heart where no one can find the ans...this will be kept in mi forever...if u ask mi whether things will work out in future i will say is a BIG ????

At times really envy my friens' gfs....they are so sweet to their bfs n y cant mine be juz like them...but i can take consolation tat some of my female friens sayin y their bfs cant be as considerate as mi hehe...at least some compliment frm them :) Life is always so unpredictablen the road ahead of us is not always so smooth...there r bound to be ups n downs and u haf to learn to cope wit any difficulties...No matter wat happen, i know there r ppl whom i can rely on when i have problems..."Thks for being there for mi"...hmm life is short so play hard n cherish yur loved ones ard u....u will never know wats gng to happen the next moment...

Stressed...Sianz...Moody.....

Hmm juz found some time off my work to update my blog and it has been a week since i last wrote..alot of things happened whether is good or bad....now also dun haf the mood to write...My report is due nxt Mon and i managed to finish it 2 days ago to let my supervisor look thr...He told mi i spelt his name wrongly and i was so stunned...OOPS....but he say it jokingly hehe and ask mi to be more careful nxt time when i go out to work..."NEVER WRITE YUR SUPERIOR'S NAME WRONGLY AGAIN"....I will bear tat in mind :) at least one load off my mind...will do my last editin b4 i hand up to my NTU tutor on Mon...

There's another thing bothering mi too...dun need i say i guess u shld know wat already hor...Guys only haf 2 types of prob: one is money n the other is relationship....it seems as clock goes ticking by each sec....i am still clueless wat i shld do to improve our relationship...last Sun was mother's day n i acc her to eat with her parents and his bro at a restaurant...we din tok much during the meal n she seems cold towards mi..

while on the way hme, she tok to mi angrily y i was so quiet but i juz kept quiet n walked on...in the end i left her to walk alone and went off separately...tat day i din even msg or call her till next morning she msg me sarcastically sayin i haf become a total changed person frm wat she knew....so tat evening i went to meet her for a SHOWDOWN....haa nothin happened dun worry ...we tok over nicely and managed to settle the issue...but now still feelin abit wierd wierd when i see her...maybe i got phobia when i see her hehe...

okie think i stop here for now...need to work alreadi....take care pals

Start of a new day wit a new PHONE!!!

Juz bought a new phone nokia 6260 yest...hmm come to tink of it..tis is 4 yrs since i last change my phone...long long wait n finally i decided to pamper myself hehe...is a nice n stylo phone to mi and first time usin a flip phone so it looks totally excitin to mi :) Actu tis phone considered 2nd hand cos i bought it frm a guy on the net...he posted it on the forum n i happened to read it..since the price was reasonable and furthermore it is the phone i am lookin for...i immediately went to contact him b4 someone snatches it frm mi! The phone was bought only 2 weeks by him so it is considered a good bargain to mi n somemore he dl so many nice stuffs for mi like mp3 n the ringtones....simply marvellous!! haben really explore the phone but will do tat during the weekend to figure the functions....Overall is a nice phone to have..even my colleagues says my phone looks cool man hehe...got to stop here now cos need to cont with my work...will blog again later...